Permanently Disgruntled

SHE SAYS:

HAPPY. That’s the goal in life right? Everyone just wants to be happy. Sure, we all have our own ways of searching for it. Some look high and low. Eyes lifted toward the heaven while feeling under a rock. All for the elusive “Happy”.

I am no different. I too am searching for my permanent happy place. I have prayed about it, cried over it and have even sought the help of a therapist to find my happy. So far I have caught glimpses of it, brushed past it a time or two, but still have yet to grab hold of it.

In therapy we are taught to be present in one’s life. Not to merely drudge through and survive life, but to live it. To pay attention, to get to truly know yourself, so that you can figure out what you need and want. Figure out how to get it and be…happy.

Sounds good right? So, I do all of this stuff. I become present in my own life. I am the master of my own destiny, the captain of my ship. Things are looking up. But no matter what I do, or how well things are going there is always an under current of disgruntlement. Is that a word? If not it should be.

I can even in my happiest of moments, still feel the ripple of the stream of pissed-offedness (okay, I know that’s not a word, but I don’t care) ever present in my soul.

So as a good student of therapy, I decided to be present with this feeling and explore it. After much thought. I have come to the conclusion that I am NOT permanently disgruntled. The under current of disgruntlement that I feel is I think best described as a Spidy Sense of sorts. It’s always tingling because they are always around. Ever present and too close for comfort. Stupid People.

Stupid people are the bane of my existence. I can’t stand them, but they always find me like moths to a flame. Of course there is a perfectly good scientific explanation for this. Opposites attract, electrons and protons, X and Y-chromosomes. That sort of thing. But still I loathe stupid people.

These scholars of duh as I like to call them, never miss an opportunity to make a mountain from a mole hill, Kick a sleeping tiger or anything else that remotely intelligent people know simply cannot end well.

These people then will find me and must simply must tell me ALL about it. And usually more than once. That’s pretty much when I stop being Spider man and I turn into the Hulk. “Hulk Smash Stupid People”

That under current becomes a tsunami and I turn green, grow to be 10 feet tall and start smashing things.. Well, not really, but I want to.

So THAT is the reason I am always ready to give a side eye, or tell someone where to stick it. Much like Peter Parker or David Banner, I just have to learn to live with my disorder.

Despite this handicap, I WILL find my happy place. And when I do, I’ll surround it with a moat full of hungry gators, a 20-foot barb wire electrified fence and have several killer porcupines roaming the property. I will have a shotgun by my door and the welcome mat will say “Stupid People Shot Here”. Hopefully the stupid people won’t get that far, but let’s face it. The one thing stupid people have going for them is they are oblivious to pain and thus very resilient.

However if you are not stupid, just call ahead and I’ll feed the gators, drop the bridge, open the fence and tell the porcupines to stand down. I’ll bake a pie and we can have a nice little visit.

And um, don’t worry about the tiger sleeping on the couch. He only eats stupid people. You wanna wake him up?... Just checking. Because my Spidy senses are beginning to tingle.