We must register to vote. We need a License to drive, but anybody can just make and raise a kid. They ask you no questions. There are no qualifying factors. It's just okay there ya go. Good luck baby, hope your parents don't suck. I mean can they at least give you a pamphlet and a 5 hour course? A road test or something? I mean It's a person!? People are more thoroughly vetted before buying a puppy.. With that in mind here is the pamphlet that I would send home with anyone who is thinking of or recently had a child.
Page 1
Whatcha Gonna Do Now?
What
do the 1991 Chicago Bulls, General Patton and Kelly Clarkson all have in
common? They won. Sure they all won different things, but they won. All great conquests are made with a
plan. So now that you know you’re going to be a parent, now that you’re out
buying onesies, and booties and all other types baby gear. What’s your game
plan? Don’t know? Okay grab a pencil.
But
seriously in quiet moment allow yourself to consider the most important things
that you want your child to learn. You know indispensable life knowledge. Write
them down commit them to memory and try as often as possible to tie these
pieces of information into their lives. Start the messages out very basic and
become more in-depth as the child’s understanding increases.
P.S. Don’t be crazy about it. Only reference these things
when they make sense. And if your kid’s already here it’s okay, you’re no too
late you can play catch up.
Page 2
You Gotta Love ‘Em
No
one can say enough about how important it is for a child to know that he or she
is loved, thoroughly and unconditionally. When your tired, angry, happy, or sad
or any other feeling you can muster up. Make sure that you show your child
love. And tell them that you love
them. You can’t just expect them to know. Just because you feed them and clothe
them does not mean you love them, that is a parental responsibility. The
sanitation worker picks up my garbage, but that doesn’t mean he loves me. Now
if he showed up at my door with a
large roll of those really good industrial strength garbage bags and said “Hey,
I Love You! “, then I’d be sure too get the message. Not that you have to bring
your kids gifts to show your love, I just have the hardest time finding good
trash bags.
If
you want to show your child you care take an interest in their hobbies. You don’t
have to love it , just take interest in it. It will mean a lot to them a forge
communication that will be very important further down the line. Take time with
your kid now or take time in the court house, or E.R., jail, or cemetery later.
The choice is yours.
Page 3
They
Are Watching You
Sounds like the opening scene from a horror flick, but it’s
true. Those little people are watching you. How you walk, how you talk , what
you do and don’t do. They are silently piecing together the puzzle of what life
is about. They are formulating ideas and making decisions based on what they
are exposed to primarily by you. Sure there will be many other influences, but
yours will be the greatest. Because you were there first and you had their
undivided attention the longest.
Page 4
They’re
Not Really Yours They’re On Loan
You
read right your precious child is not yours rather a very valuable loan. God
has done with you what Harry Winston does on Oscar night with celebrities. You
have been loaned precious cargo. It is expected that that loan be returned in
the best condition possible. In the case of jewelry, it is returned to the
store. In the case of a child, they are returned to the world as adults. You
only get to hold them for a brief period of time, so make that time count.
Page 5
You’re
Bored?... Learn To Play The Violin
So you’ve traded in your stilettos for loafers and you’re
your bachelor pad is now a play yard. You have decided to become a parent. Your
idea of fun needs to change. It’s
not really about you now. It’s about that little person. Some kind soul will
occasionally babysit so you can go shower off the drool and kick up your heels
from time to time, but you are now on call 24 hours a day. It gets a little
better as they get older, but it never stops. Make your child a part of your
new idea of fun. You’ll learn to love it, your child will love it and in return
they will love you. Still bored? Learn to play the violin so you can lull the
kid to sleep & have a drink.
Page 6
It’s
Your Fault
If nothing else you’ve read motivates you to strap yourself
in and really commit to this parenthood thing, then maybe this will. THEY ARE
GONNA BLAME YOU!!!!! And people will BELIEVE them! The Giants win the Superbowl. They thank their parents.
Serial killer on death row. They blame their parents. Either way you take the
rap. Wouldn’t you like to stack the deck in favor of a Superbowl win?
God Speed and Good Luck
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