Ladies: It's You, Not Him

HE SAYS:

I'm gonna let you know from the start that this is a venting session...

Two very good female friends of mine had some serious relationship issues recently, and they decided to call me for advice.  Their actual problems don't matter, but their conclusion does: "I am going to be single forever! Nobody wants me, and the ones that do, suck!"

A brief history of these two is in order.  One of these ladies I met in 2002 at 3-day long festival.  I was with one of my boys and he wanted to talk to her friend. Being the perfect wingman that I am, I went over with him. The lady I spoke to, let's call her "Tasha," was a tall, dark-skinned, gorgeous young lady.  We shot the breeze, exchanged numbers, and kept in contact quite often.  No lie, I started to develop feelings for her and even told her so, but she lived far away and didn't want to do the whole "long distance" thing.  It turns out that we were just meant to be friends, so I'm actually glad things didn't go any further, but she really is a great woman whom I admire and respect a whole lot.  She is now in a relationship with a guy that I think is a really great fit for her, but certain circumstances make it seem like it won't last.  It's not Tasha's fault, and it's not her man's fault... Actually it's a bunch of bullsht why they may have to separate, but sometimes life just does it that way.

The other lady, "Amanda," has been in a series of "relationships" with guys that are way more similar than different.  For the most part, they have similar jobs, interests, looks, hair styles, and dispositions.  None of them have worked.  I met her, yet again, when another friend was trying to holla.  He wanted to make himself look good, so I played the "bad cop" role.  The two wound up talking for a little bit, but nothing ever became of it. However, since the summer of 2001, when I met her, we've been great friends.  Her entire family loves me.  Her little cousin even calls me her big brother.  Amanda is gorgeous, artistic, and has a genuine love for life.  Recently, she told me that, years ago, she thought about asking me if we should date, but decided against it because she knew that it wouldn't work because of how different we are.

Why did I give you this information?  Simple.  Both of these women would be GREAT catches for anyone, but for some reason, they keep falling into the same trap, and they resort to their previous conclusion that solitude is the life that chose them because no "good guy" likes them.

I call bullsht yet again.

I know I've put on QUITE A FEW extra pounds since the Army.  I'm not the smartest, best looking, richest, guy out there.  But I know I'm a good one.While Tasha and I were not meant to be, it was because of distance that we didn't give it a shot... Which was her choice.  The problem she and her man are facing now is a completely different matter, yet one that still shows that good guys do like her and there is still a good chance that she will have the happiness she deserves.  Amanda has the same problem.  It's not that she can't get the right guys. She CHOOSES the wrong guys based on her own perceptions.

Ladies, if you're actually a good one, there is a good guy out there for you, without compromising your standards.  Start looking at the choices you make and with whom you make them... And maybe then you will have a better understanding of why you keep ending up with the same men or in the same situations.

Peace and Respect